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موت الأحبة والسلام مع الذات

رضا أسعد

واشنطن-

تدهشك أحياناً تعليقات تلاميذك الصغار. أسئلتهم التي تحرجك و لا تمتلك الاجوبة الشافية لكثير منها. تحديداً حول وجودنا، خالقنا، بدؤنا و نهايتنا. تحاول الاقناع بما لا يسيء الى صدقية المعلومة و كثيراً من الاحيان المتوارث عبر الاجيال. عندما تواجه أسئلة أنت نفسك لا تمتلك الاجوبة المقنعة بالادلة، يكون الرد دائماً في خانة السلام مع النفس و الاخرين.

” بعرف ليش أخذ الله بابا لعندو” يقولها تلميذي البالغ من العمرآنذاك ثماني سنوات. أسأله باستغراب! ليش ؟ “يمكن في عمليات ترميم للجنة و هنن بحاجة لواحد شاطر متل بابا “بابا كان متعهد عظيم. مات. كل مرة بسأل ماما وين بابا ؟ بتقول في الجنة.”

اذن، وبهذه البساطة البريئة يعلن طفل صغير عن تبرير انتقال والده الى جوار ربه. لم يكن بمقدوره فهم كنه القضاء و القدر، مشيئة الله ” ليش الله بحاجة إلو اكتر مني ” طالما كان يرددها. اذن والده العظيم أوكلت اليه ، بعد مماته، مهمة تلاؤم ذكاءه و مهارته.

والد هذا التلميذ رحل يوم الاحتفال بعيد ميلاده الخمسين. التوى بين ذراعي زوجته. محتفلوه بعيد ميلاده عادوا معه مشيعين. رحيل صاعق يتركك عاجزاً عن اقناع طفل بهذا العمر بتقبله. هاهو يقنع نفسه. اعطى والده حقه في مكانته في الجنة، لا بل منصباً اختير من قبل ” الله” لترميمها.مدهش كيف أعطى نفسه السلام.

كانت لي معرفة بوالديّ الطفل من خلال اصدقاء مشتركين. الأم من اصول اجنبية و الأب من اصول عربية .بين الحين و الآخر، وفي كل مرة نلتقيهما في مناسبة، كانت تسألني إذا كان بالإمكان تعليم الابن الأكبر اللغة العربية.كان آنذاك في السابعة من عمره . وكنت دائماً أعتذر لعدم توفر الوقت.

سنتان تمران على رحيل الزوج الصاعق، أصادفها في مدرسة ولديها، حيث أدرّس أنا، بلباسها الأسود و حزنها الذي ما غاب عن وجهها. نتبادل التحيات و أسالها عن ولديها. تبادرني بالقول: ينتظران منك ان تلبي رغبتي بالوفاء لروح والدهما. أتساءل كيف؟ تجيب :”أخذت عهداً على نفسي بأن أهدي روحه الطاهرة تعليم ولديه لغة و تراث و تاريخ اصوله.”

هنا أيضاً فلسفة ساحرة للسلام مع النفس، الوفاء لروح والدهما بتخليده فيهما.

وجدت نفسي شريكاً بهذا العهد منذ اللحظة .

الولدان الآن شابان يانعان. واحد في السنة الثانية في الجامعة و الثاني على أبوابها. كان عمر الاكبر ثماني سنوات و الاصغر ست .

حين قال لي الصغير ان الله سبحانه و تعالى استدعى والده ليقوم باعمال ترميم الجنة كان في الثامنة من عمره . نسي ماقاله لكنني لم انس حرفاً منه.

كانت فلسفة السلام مع النفس لقبول رحيل الاحبة. فلسفة اوقفته عن الغضب، و الشكوى و الاعتراض.

الموت حالة امتحانية بين الغضب والسكينة.ريح تهز أبوابنا منذ البدء. تعصف، تكسر،تأخذ معها أحبتنا لكنها تبقي لنا الباب لنوصده بعد رحيلهم.نبقيهم صغاراً كما غادرونا. شباباً كما غادرونا. عجائز كما غادرونا. نجمد الزمن عندهم و نحن نكبر. ملامحنا تتغير وهم مازالوا كما رحلوا. إنه السلام مع الذات. إنه البقاء .

بوابة الشرق الأوسط الجديدة

 

Death of loved Ones and Peace within Oneself

The comments of my young students never cease to amaze me! The innocent yet deep questions they pose that put you in a difficult position because you are unable to provide clear and convincing answers, as those relating to our existence, our creator our beginning and our end. You try to provide answers that do not compromise the credibility of the facts or what has been traditionally passed down for generations. Then you face questions that you yourself are unable to provide convincing answers to and the response is usually within the realm of peace with oneself and others.

“I know why God took Dad to him”, says my student who was then 8 years old. I ask him why in astonishment? “Maybe they were undergoing renovations in Heaven and God needed a good contractor like Dad!  Dad was the very best contractor and he died. Every time I ask my mom where did Dad go, she would say he went to Heaven”.

With this simple innocent explanation this young boy justifies why God took away his father! He could not understand that this was his father’s destiny. “Does God need him more than I do?”, he would constantly say. I guess the answer in this young boy’s mind was yes as he was given a mission and a purpose with his death commensurate with his father’s talent and intelligence and hence it made more sense to this young man than just the void explanation that it was “his destiny”.

This boy’s young father left this earth on his 50th birthday and in the arms of his loving wife while on a trip with a few friends celebrating this special occasion. Instead of celebrating his birthday they all returned for his funeral. A devastating departure that leaves you incapable of providing any rational explanation to such a young boy! But here he is convincing himself why God has called his father away and giving his death and going to heaven a Purpose- his rightful place in heaven- the chosen contractor by God himself. It is amazing how he gave himself this sense of peace and acceptance of this tragic occurrence.

I knew his parents through other mutual friends. His mother was American, and his father was of Arab origins. Every now and then when I would run into her at some social gatherings, she would ask me when I would be able to teach her older son who was then about 7 years old, the Arabic Language. I was always apologetic for not having an opening!

Two years later after her husband’s passing, I ran into her at her kids’ school where I was teaching, still in mourning and wearing black. We exchanged greetings and I asked her about her boys! “They are waiting for you to fulfill my profound promise to their father’s soul”, she replies.  “I vowed that I would preserve his memory by teaching his sons his language, his culture and history!” Here again is a magical philosophy of coming to peace with oneself in the face of such adversity- loyalty to the soul of her kids’ father by commemorating him through them! From that moment I found myself a partner in that promise!

Those two young boys are now young men, one in his second year at the university and the other just about to enter university. The older one was then 8 years old and the younger boy six. When the younger boy had told me that God called upon his father to go to Heaven so that he can undertake its renovation project, he was just 8 years old. He forgot what he said but I never did!

It was his way of coming to peace with his loss and accepting his father’s departure. It put a stop to the anger that was seething within him and his rejection of this sad reality. Death is a testing phase between anger and peace. A strong wind that shakes our existence from the day we come onto this earth, blowing, and breaking everything in its path and taking away our loved ones but it keeps just the door intact so that we can close it after their departure. We keep them young, or old as they left us. They are frozen in time in our minds. We grow older, we change, and they remain constant as they left us. It is our way of finding peace within ourselves and our ability to carry on! It is survival!

Great Middle East Gate


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